LIVING IN THE UK #1 / MY HEAD IS A MESS

I have been in England for a week now. With some ups and downs I’ve managed to get myself ready for living in here. And I don’t even know where to start. So I think I’ll just go with the flow today.

My first thoughts when landing were wow, wow and wow. “Am I really here?” Still have to constantly remind myself that this is all real. When driving from the airport to Southampton I just had this enormous smile on my face haha. But I’m slowly getting used to being here now.

The first days were kind of messy. I mean I actually got done a lot but my mind was floating somewhere between Estonia and the UK. Usually when you live somewhere for a long time, you get this awarness of what’s surrounding you. Well, I had no idea. I olny knew how to get out of the house. Fortunately, one of my housemates was already here to show me around a little bit. Within two days, I had all the necessary stuff for living, applied for 2 jobs and bought myself a bike. So my to do list was complete. What’s next?

Then anxiety hit me. You know when you’re so sure in theory but when it comes to practice, all of a sudden you crash. I had that with language. Obviously, I believe(d) myself to be comfortable speaking in English but when I actually have to speak, my head is just empty. Normally, I am a rather confident and social person but my long lost introvert self appeared to me again. It is really just the fear that people will not understand me or my mind takes so long to process the information that it gets awkward before I can even think of something to say back. I wasn’t really expecting that but I did know that life has some challenges for me. Here they are now. I know I’ll just get over it the more I speak. I really love British accent tho.

Another thing that I was looking forward to was being on my own. I need a lot of time for myself to keep my head straight and goals clear. And I also just really enjoy my own company. But the truth is – being alone can turn into loneliness. I must admit, it does get lonely when you’re in a town where you only know one person. And that person is your housemate. (Don’t worry, she’s lovely. It’s just my anxiety that keeps me in my room most of the time.) I miss going out and having fun with my friends. I am excited to meet new people and make new friends and I’m sure I will have great people come into my life but it’s just.. kind of hard to explain. Within the first week of being here I already appreciate my friendships more than ever before. I mean, I am so comfortable with my Estonian friends that I’m afraid to step out of my comfort zone. And that’s something I never thought I would say. Don’t get me wrong – I know I will be amazed by all the friendly people I’m gonna meet on 24th. I’m just feeling a little lost with myself at the moment. (Gotta feel uncomfortable to evolve, right?)

Other than that, I’m happy. My neighbourhood is really calm and lovely. Already met a few neighbours (’cause if you need a spanner and don’t have one, you just ask next door). I’ve been going on morning walks aswell, discovering my surroundings to get that awareness I mentioned before. Most of the streets here look kind of similar – narrow roads and red brick is so British. The town centre has sooo many stores, big parks and a lot of people. And I must mention that black people have the best style taste!

I share my everyday life on Snapchat stories (elokumel (only in Estonian tho)), highlights on Instagram and also started using Twitter again. Add me if you’re interested! New blog post every second monday from now on. 

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